she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Randomize
