I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
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