I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
