I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
Idk what's happening right now but im wearing a tutu and pissed as fuck.
Let the clothes fall where they may.
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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