we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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