Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
