Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
3 things. 1) we need alcohol 2) we need alcohol 3) we need tortilla chips. Let's make a plan. Bro shakes and salsa.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
Randomize
