it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
