Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
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