After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
