I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
Randomize
