My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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