You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
Randomize