With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
