Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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