you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
Randomize
