My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
someone owes me an orgasm
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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