No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
