Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
