I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
