I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
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