Nicole vs. Life
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
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