Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(613): View more from Ontario

Sorry, I don't speak sober.

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(937): View more from Ohio

love makes seman taste better

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(669): View more from California

sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall

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(714): View more from California

Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me

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(440): View more from Ohio

Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for

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(847): View more from Illinois

cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on

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(201): View more from New Jersey

at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."

(1-201): View more from New Jersey

youre welcome

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(413): View more from Massachusetts

I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.

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(707): View more from California

THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.

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