Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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