What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
