fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I just threw up birthday cake.. who's birthday was it?
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
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