did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize