Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
