fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
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