It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Omg you can't vacuum salsa that's just ridiculous
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
