dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
