is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
i feel like spreading the word of drunken joy.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I wasn't that gone.
Dude, you cried and said how sorry you were when we asked why you had the dip.
Randomize
