i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
booty call birthday vouchers, best idea ever. it's like giving a present to myself for someone else's birthday.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
It's always great when the guy I get pills from sends me an email that says "I know you will get clean it's going to be hard but I know you can do it"
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Randomize
