Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
Randomize
