now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
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