New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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