One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize