Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
You're the horniest male I have ever encountered
Makes it sound like you're a scientist documenting your discoveries. I warned you.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
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