I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
