Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
I'm just saying, asking "Are you happy with me?" during a handjob is simply unfair and scientifically inadmissiable.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
A world without bacon flavored condoms is not one I want to live in.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
