But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
To be honest I don't know what's worse, the fact that I interupted their shower sex or the fact that I was so drunk I used the adjoining stall anyway
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
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