She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I should just black out in my front yard again- that was a great nights sleep.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
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