I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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