am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
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