i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
Okay so as of now, we may either be coming for one night, two nights, or not at all this weekend. It depends on Laura's toe and if I get my period. Will explain later
Randomize
