so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
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