So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
