The brown eye won't let me do that either.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
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