her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
He picked me up went to throw me on his bed. I landed on the wood frame. That's how I broke my rib. We still fucked. Thanks tequila. Best injury ever
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Randomize
