this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
