you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
