I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
