Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Just puked most of my soul out..
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
