We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
