their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
Speaking of school, I've done the math and I get laid about 10 times more often than I did before I got my law degree. $100,000 well spent.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
