He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
...so i touched it.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize