So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
