She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
He can only pee with the faucet running. It's like I'm dating a fucking toddler.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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