My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Randomize