are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Randomize
