You're my little dorito
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Which emoticons convey sympathy for sleeping with someones bf ??
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Seeing her tonight. She doesn't want dinner, just wants me to come over for awhile. My penis just sent me a thank you card.
Randomize
