Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I love the progression of these pictures. I go from cute to Courtney Love
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
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