remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
