They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
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