she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
handjob tips. give me some.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
Randomize
