I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I know eh? If a man wants to pay 7 bucks to see some boobies he should be allowed to do so in peace.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
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