Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I cut my penus on the lid.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
I can’t tonight. I’ve got to see about a penis
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