I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
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