What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
I was in a bad mood so I guilted her into giving me $100 on a weekly basis and now I feel bad but I don't know how to tell her I hustled her
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
